The Inaugural Singularity

No one expected the Singularity. A Singularity had certainly been postulated, discussed, and dissected ad infinitum, but this was different- it was real. It proved unequivocally that the observed was influenced by the observer, that Dark Energy was real, and that we were its progenitors.  It was the darkness within us that fed it, creating a feedback loop of such immense proportions it was literally sundering the Universe. Greed, hate, bigotry, fear, ignorance, hypocrisy, cruelty, vainglory, insecurity, oppression; the assholish foundations upon which American Conservatism’s built, were already exsanguinating their vileness into the aether when the Singularity formed.

asshole
The Singularity’s baby-daddy. (Just one of far, far too many.)

The assholery had been seeping into the quantum fabric of the Universe for over two centuries, straining it across all four dimensions. So it was already weakened when the massive, overwhelming convergence of assholes descended on DC.  So many assholes, of such horrific magnitude, overwhelmed the fragile balance remaining, birthing the Singularity.  The world breathed a sigh of relief at first, as the screeching bloviations were silenced by a bilious shadow, ascendendant from the audience of smarmy, self-righteous  drones. Then a horror was felt by all, a cold, Eldritch terror as the shadow swept exponentially across the planet before coalescing into a gaseous nightmare. Its rank, enveloping tendrils were soon smothering all of humanity in a thick, oily fog of wretchedness until… nothingness.  Void.  An Erberus hole quarried from humanity’s soul by deplorable ragings until imploding itself into the Singularity.

Ending the world , neither with a bang, nor a whimper, but with a rancid, Santorumesque shart…

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